First chemo was last Thursday. It was a horrible day but not as horrible as Sunday.
Sunday of course was mother’s day. These days holidays and especially mother’s day highlights the fact that my wife has cancer. The chemo started taking effect on Saturday as expected but kicked into high gear Sunday morning.
The day started out okay. I went to meet my wife’s friend. I am sort of sponsoring her. She is one of my wife’s best friends and we meet on Sunday mornings because I kind of have some experience with what she is going through. We had a good meeting. What actually ended up happening was she ended up supporting me. I went home to get my wife and as I was waiting for her and watching her deal with her exhaustion and fatigue from the Chemo are started to get a little angry.
We were going out to get presents for her oldest son’s wedding which is this coming weekend. She was extremely lethargic and watching her get ready tired me out. We got in the car and headed out to the store and on the way there I said that this would have to be the last time we were going to be doing something for somebody else or rather this should be the last time she should be doing this kind of thing for someone else as it is just too taxing for her. They originally wanted her to make the rehearsal dinner and set up and all that stuff. They were understanding (son and fiancee) that she couldn’t because of the chemo. Anyway I went on to say that she should tell whomever you are required to give gifts perform certain services “If you can’t accept that I cannot get you x, y, or z or do x, y, or z for you then this is where our “paths” separate.”
She interpreted this as me telling her that if she didn’t do what I was telling her to do then I was going to leaver her. She interpreted it a threat. . . She was completely devastated.
I had, as I often do, left out the part, “You should tell them. . . ” and all she heard was, “If you can’t accept this then this is where our “paths” separate.” She said, Floyd, I can’t believe you just said that to me”. I didn’t understand. Finally she went on to say I can’t believe I have been threatened like that. I had to think, “Threatened, how did she feel threatened?” Then I realized.
It took me five minutes to tell her that is not what I meant and I kind of left out a very important part of the sentence. . . uhg.
Now, I keep going back over it and every time I think about the whole progression it makes me feel sick.
