I had a dream

Had a dream last night, of course it was about my wife okay ex-fucking-wife. I was invited to a party at her friends' "chris and sara's" They lived in this big glitzy house In the dream the third floor of their house was a complete library. I am sure this is something to which they aspire. Every one was dressed in black and maroon. (maroon tops with black pants) Most people didn't know me. In fact, I never saw chris or sara (When I make amends to them, will I have to say that I am sorry for never capitalizing the first letters of their names when defaming them when writing about them? I don't like them very much. They reciprocate the same sentiment I am sure.) Any way at one point we were in this gargantuan palace like livingroom. (chris and sara aspire to have things and things that are status symbols like mercedies benz, big houses, kids going to not necessarily good schools but prestigious schools, you know? all that kind of crap. I am, have been, probably will be guilty of that too. I just hope not as much.) Eminence Front it's a put on. Listening to this as I write. Hey is this a randomn stream of consciousness or what!?

Anyway, as I said we're all dressed in black and marroon and get this!, I'm wearin' my hat, my german bavarian fadora type hat and I am kickin' ass and taken' names if one is capable of doing that in recovery mode. I am confident. I am adult. I am REAL.

So we're in the palacial livingroom and sitting on the floor in kind of a circle in our bare feet. Ronda is there. She is somewhere in the circle but I don't see her, but in my dream I just know she is there. The circle is kind of tight. There is a woman. She's a knockout. She completely reaks with sexual,. . . sexual, . . . sexual something,. . .sexual energy that's it. Her sexual energy fills the room. She sits across from me. And it was like I was willing her to make a pass at me. (This is so not me. I hide from women like this. They terrify me.) She moves closer to the center of the circle and then right out in front of God and everybody she takes her feet and starts rubbing mine and then!...... and then!..... she starts moving her feet up one of my pant legs. This is killer for me. If a woman were to do this to me I would be dead meat. This is kind of like superman's kryptonite. I am not putty in her hands; I am liquid in her hands - well a kind of viscous liquid like honey or syrup.

The next thing she and I are in a bath tub - no water though? Is that wierd or what? I mean this dream was kind of making some sense up to this point. We do all the things I think I would like to do when in this type of situation of which I have never been. There is nothing of graphic nature in the dream. Just knowledge of.

After the act (typical after sex scene but in empty bath tub) this beautiful woman starts telling me all the things she feels are wrong with her. At that point in the dream I see that she is an older woman around my age. Her signs of age show but she is still stunning. In fact in the dream I remember thinking that these traits of which she talked made her even more attractive. These things made her real! I love real and can fall in love with real. (I think.)

I am back at the chris and sara mansion. R- is there. I see her. we talk. I forget what she said right now but it was something inflamitory. It could have been that I saw her being intimate with chris. Chris is kind of like my Lex Luther (superman's arch enemy) I don't think it had anything to do with the "other woman" although at this point in the dream I remember thinking about what had just happened with the other woman and feeling real good about.

And then, and here is where the dream becomes a nightmare, I say to her, "That's right R-. That's right, Build that resentment. Nurture it. Treat it like a garden. Work in it like you would work in a garden. Grow it. Spread fertilizer on it as necessary. And then, after a long hard day in your garden of resentment, why don't you sit down and crack open a nice cold one. Okay, maybe you are too good for that, how 'bout uncorking vintage bottle of chianti. I mean after all you deserve it. Oh, and also you should probably have a cigarette." and then I yell, "You're a fucking alcoholic just like your fucking mother you're gonna die just like your mother. You know that, don't you!" I could see her trying to hide a bottle of wine that she had. And she was pissed. Her face was red.

I remember leaving donned in black hat, maroon shirt. black pants and black shoes.

Then I woke up. I felt awful. I almost felt sick to my stomach. I took a shower, tried to do some things prior to going to work, failed at all of those things and then got in the car and went to work.

Whoa! Dude! Farout. Tripindicular you might be thinking to yourself. Well, I am thinking that to myself. It is funny as I started writing about it I kept remembering more and more detail.