Yes, I did not attend the Sunday meeting. I think it is healthy. I have to question what I am going to the meeting for. I am not so sure it is really in the true spirit of recovery. I get too much of either and emotional high or an emotional low depending on what the interaction between Carrie and I is like. So whatever it is that I am getting or not getting from Carrie, I should be getting from myself.
I am not seeing what is real. My brain is putting a spin on everything. Typically it is in the favor of: "Oh she, likes me. She wants to go out with me, yada yada yada." and on and on my brain goes. Sometimes I don't know where to draw the line between me and my mind.
Sunday morning I heard a song that I had not heard before: it is called "New Slang" by The Shins. It is kinda nonsensical to me. Some people feel it is about being dumped. I can kinda see how they get that. If this is the case the metaphores are way too cryptic to have any real tangible meaning to me. I think metaphores are to help the reader or listener to get the same kind of feeling that the author, writer and/or speaker/singer has. Anyway, I really love the tune and gee if it is about getting dumped then some of if applies to my ex and some of it applies to Carrie.
| Gold Teeth and a curse for this town, were all in my mouth Only I don't know how, they got out dear. Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met. I was happier then with no mind-set. And if you'd 'a took to me like A gull takes to the wind. Well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree And i'd a danced like the king of the eyesores And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well. New slang when you notice the stripes, the dirt in your fries. Hope it's right when you die, old and bony. Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall, Never should have called But my head's to the wall and i'm lonely. And if you'd 'a took to me like A gull takes to the wind. Well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree And i'd a danced like the kind of the eyesores And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well. God speed all the bakers at dawn may they all cut their thumbs, And bleed into their buns 'till they melt away. I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find. Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine? And if you'd 'a took to me like Well i'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well. |
See what I mean?
God I hope it doesn't take me years to get rid of the obsession I have with her. The most depressing thing is that I never felt this way about my ex. The woman before her, Mary, I was obsessed with also. I was also obsessed with an English instructor in college, her name was Wendy.
2 comments:
"And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind"
I think this is about wanting a relationship that didn't happen vs. getting dumped.
As far as you obsessing, it’s slightly normal to do this to avoid reality. I personally like the past, I know how the stories end, much safer. Letting go of the anger toward certain people in the past is the hard part.
My advice, be blunt, straight forward, ask her out for a REAL date. If she says yes, great. If she says no, then you feel bad, even though you shouldn’t, and can move on knowing she’s not interested. The worse that could happen is you two have a relationship, healthy or not.
I already know what the answer to that question is. When we talked at dinner she said she is not interested in a romantic relationship.
What I was kinda thinkin' is that we would become friends Hmmm? I think there is some denial goin on there. Anyway it was my hope. But I know the real truth. And that is, is that I want to have a relationship with her.
This is the way that it goes.
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