Yes, this is what I have been feeling of late. Keep in mind there is no such thing as a wrong feeling. Also and more importantly feelings are not facts! Never-the-less this is how I have been feeling. I believe the feeling is being stimulated by the fact that I have been surrounded by "couples" "in luuuuuuvvvv." I have been surrounded by men with their women, women with their men, women with their women (lesbians). Couples in relationships abound!
This is not a pity party but let me go on a little bit. I have been feeling absolutely pathetic - like a total loser - because I am not in a relationship. Oh woe is moi! (Gettin crazy with the cheeze whiz - things are gonna change, I can feel it.*) Everybody is in love with one another and here I am out in the rain all by myself. Yes, it certainly does not feel good.
You say, "Oh wait now!!!, God loves you!" or "Jesus loves you."
Now that makes me feel a whole lot better. I mean why would I want a woman's arms wrapped around me, caressing my face, staring into my eyes, giving me warm tender kisses on my lips. Why would I want to feel the warmth and tenderness of her cheek on mine as we hold each other close. Why would I want something like that when I already have God and Jesus loving me.
Okay, here is where I stop the pity party! The reason why I would not want something like that is becawwwwz, there is a bit of a price to pay. All the people around me that are "in luuuuv" "in relationships" are miserable. I mean most of the time I listen to their agony of what is going on with them and their partner. It sounds to me like a horrible existence. And as I recall it was a horrible existence when I was in it.
And no this is not "sour grapes" because, I do know it can be good. And of course this is what we all hope for - that it will be good. It can be good if the two concerned parties have good mental health or some semblance there of.
So here I am still working on my self. The feelings still arise. I will forget. It will look all rosey and happy when I see couples engaged in public displays of affection. I will feel left out. I will feel like a loser. Those feelings will occur. I will still keep working on myself and I really hope one day the situation avails itself. but until then. . . .
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.**
*Lyrics by Beck "Loser"
**Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost.
2 comments:
Relationships are W O R K by which people are paid in love. If a person in a said relationship is lazy or self-centered, said relationship will not work out. If both persons in said relationship are not gracious and forgiving, it will not work out. How many selfless people are there? How many people are there that want a relationship to be easy? How badly does a person want a loving relationship? Are they miserable or do they need a relationship book "for Dummies"?
I almost sent you an e-mail today. I guess you were feeling miserable for me to pick up on it.
do not think of you as a loser. You are/ can be fun when you want to be. Don’t be so guarded around people; they have problems too.
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