Losing my religion

The plot is always basically the same, only the setting changes. One time the setting was with my family back in Ohio. My mom (still alive), Dad, Sister, her daughters (my nieces - when they were young), my sister's ex husband, my boys as the are now, and her - my ex wife. I was there with all of them but had to leave to come back home all the way across the country.

She, my ex-wife, looked at me only as an acquaintance. She was laughing, I think. Also singing. I thought I saw her look at me in that way but I didn't. "Maybe she was trying." I tell myself.

"Well, I've gotta get going." I say.

She responds without looking at me, "We'll see ya later." The tone is ambivilant. The tone in her voice is from somebody who never knew me the way she knew me. The tone is that of a stranger but not quite.

I am left wanting more. "Please, look at me!" I think to myself. "Don't you care?!" I continue to think. My mind races. "How can I make her care?" I think. I get frantic, How can I make her notice me again. I start to panic. My brain screams at me in my head! "What lengths can I go to to put me back in her life!" Then I see her eyes again. They are distant and do not recognize me. There is no recognition of familiarity. I am only left with a passing glance.

I try to say more. I say something like, "Should I come back?" but I get no response. I try to engage her. And then I realize that I've said too much. I wanted something from her but she did not give it. I feel rejected and abandonded. I realize I just set myself up. I should have just left and not tried to engage. I should have not asked if I should come back. I said too much.

She continues talking to other people as if I have already left. I leave seeing her the way she was when we first met. I leave seeing her the way she was when we first met but she is with someone else. I can see I am out of her mind. I can see I am out of her consciousnous. I can see I am not in her life anymore. And then I wake up.

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream