Valerie continued. . .

This is just so fucking pathetic isn't it?   But I might as well right about it.

First of all I think I have blood in my urine which usually means something bad is happening.   I think I just let it go. See what happens.

She texted back last night that she was sorry she was out of touch  She was distracted.

Fuck, I gotta climb a mountain. 

She said she had a really good time too. . . She also said that she may not be able to find someone to watch her son so we would have to hike some place close.

I really gotta climb a mountain.

She said she was distract and not feeling well physically. . .

I texted back that it was okay and said Mars hill would work and told her that I hoped she would feel better.

Really need a mountain.

I think I've got closure on the exchange.

I looked on facebook this evening and saw she had posted about her son.  He is halfway through book 5 of the Harry Potter books and he had started it on Friday.  This woman has a life.  I am alone at the fucking kitchen table writing in this stupid fucking blog that no one will ever read.

Enough about Val.

a date continued some more.

I actually really don't feel like sharing about this.

She hasn't texted back.  What the fuck am I doing?  Why is my brain fucking with me like this?

Any way after the show we went to a nouveau bar/restaurant.  We talked and once again I believe I said to much.  I told her about my real addiction.  I asked her if she thought this was a date and reluctantly she said yes.  I am thinking she didn't want it to be but realized that it actually was - a date that is.

We made plans to go on a hike Saturday.

I went to my Sunday night meeting and met with Tara.  I told her that I was not going to text Valerie until Wednesday. Tara thought that was way too long.  She thought I should text at least by Tuesday and that Tuesday would probably be too long.  The meeting was at 6:00 so it wasn't until 8 when I got home.  I decided to leave off texting until the morning.

Monday morning, yesterday, I texted her:

Good morning Valerie,
Saturday night was an unexpected surprise. I felt like I could be myself. I hope you liked myself, I mean me. . . It was nice to open the door for you. I will look for casual places to hike on Saturday. Hope your Monday morning is treating you well. Andy


Tara thought it was good.  So I sent it.

A date - continued

The conversation that we had prior to the show was good.  I think I was able to make her laugh.  It could have all just been a "nervous laugh"  - like "oh my God, how the fuck am I going to get out of this."  I don't think it was that though at least not at that point.  By the way, the initial message that she left did sound like she was nervous which I think was a good thing. . . I think.  I mean I could play it for you and let you decide???

Of course the real important part happened after the show.

Valerie - a date.

Well it's good and it's bad.  And of course I focus on the bad.

Saturday around quarter 'til four she sends me a message about going to a comedy show that night.  Doors open at 7 and the show starts at 7:30, however, I read the message as it was taken by voice to text on my verizon voice mail.  It did say all that but then she went on to say something about her being there at 4:30 which she actually said 7:30.  So I called her back and got her voice mail and said, "It looks like you are already there so thanks for inviting me but looks like I can't make it."

Earlier that day JD asked me to feed his dogs because he was going on a Grand Canyon/Verde Valley train trip with Esther for his birthday.  I went over around 4:30 and as I was there looked at the message again and it didn't make sense so I listened to it.  Sure enough it said 7:30 where the voice to text converted it to 4:30.  I called her back and told her I had gotten it wrong and that I could attend.  She was at a birthday party for a friend of hers and did not answer so I left that message on her voice mail again.  I then texted her that I could make it and to disregard the first message.  Anyway she texted me back and we eventually talked and settled the details of when and where to meet.

On Saturday evenings/late afternoon I go to dinner with the 71 year old lesbian across the street.  She was really good friends with Wendy and they both helped each other through a lot of stuff liking watching each others' houses, doing stuff when the other was sick. She would watch Wendy's children when they were young. And she really helped us both when Wendy became really ill.  So I had to work that in.  I didn't want to cancel out on her because of Valerie.

We finally did meet at the show.  We talked a lot before the show and then went to restaurant/bar afterwords and talked some more. . .

To be continued.  I gotta get back to work.

Valerie

Out of the blue she texted me today.

Conversation with Valerie

Hi Andy, Hope you are having a good week - Valerie Nov 1 2017 9:35 AM You just made my morning! Thank you so much. Hope you are having a good week too! Nov 1 2017 9:52 AM

This conversation was forwarded via

Of course, once again, if I were a puppy my tail would be wagging.

So now when my phone vibrates I get this puppy dog tail wag response.   This sucks be cause my phone just buzzed and it was my sponsee wanting to meet tonight.

Some texting with Valerie.

This has gotten disaster written all over it doesn't it.

Oct 07 9:06pm

Hi Andy,
Sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you this morning. It was good to see you at the meeting. Hope you are doing well

So this text makes me feel so good. Wow, just out of the blue she texts me. Total ego shot. So I text her back.

Oct 07 9:24pm

Hi Valerie,
Yeah, I was thinking this might be your weekend to work. I liked your share. I realized that friendships with those in program are the safest. And attempted friendships with those outside are not as safe which is why I am sitting here kind of licking my wounds. It was nice to see you as well. I will be up with my son in Durango next weekend. I hope that one of these Saturdays we'll be able to talk after the meeting. Hope you are doing well also. Sorry for the long text.

After this text I didn't get anything back. "Let go", I tell myself. And so I do.

Oct 21 4:16pm

Hi Andy,
I thought I had replied to your last txt. Sorry about that. How are you?

So two weeks later I get this text. However; in the previous text there was really nothing to respond to.

Oct 21 4:28pm

Hi Valerie, That's okay. Thanks for asking. It's nice to hear from you. I am doing well. How are you?

So I text her back again. This time I had asked a question but got no response Again, I tell myself to let go and so I do.

Oct 28 1:16pm

Hi Valerie, I responded to your text last Saturday. I am wondering if you got it. Was going to ask you this morning at the meeting. It was nice to see you. Hope you are doing well.

Oct 28 1:29pm

I did! I’m so sorry I didn’t reply. I’ve been super scattered and not feeling well. I had hope to talk with you after and was meaning to txt you today when we didn’t get to talk.

Oct 28 1:56pm

No problem, I understand. I was just wondering. Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. hope that changes. I am pretty scattered myself.. I have a wonderful scattered story - might share that next sat. Hope we get a chance to talk at some point.

Oct 28 2:04pm

I’m on my way to the women’s meeting. Could I call you later this afternoon?

Oct 28 2:06pm

Sure, Would enjoy talking if you get the chance.

Oct 28 6:46pm

If you’d like to add me on Facebook, feel free. Valerie Ellis Brazzell

Oct 28 6:48pm

Okay. I will do that.