Four in the Mourning

I got home from dinner with some friends. It's cold on the hill right now. It doesn't get much above 20 degrees these days. It seems colder and cold has a real "bite" to it this year for some reason. I laid down on my bed and played my guitar until I drifted into sleep. Just as I was drifting off I woke up with a jerk and took my guitar off my chest and put it to the side.

Now, I was awake again. This is the problem with using the guitar to put me to sleep at night. I grabbed the guitar by the neck again and swung it back over my chest. I started playing the last two strings of "D" and then e minor in kind of a picking and strumming alternating pattern. The sound of the chord progression and the syncopation of the picking and the strumming produced a kind of sad yet matter of fact kind of atmosphere. As in, "This is the way it has to be, everything must come to an end." sort of thing.

As I listened to the sound I was making, a vision, I think one put there by my higher power, of my wife asleep, peacefully asleep back in Boulder came to my head. I seemed explode in tears. I still kept them bottled up. My chest heaved in and out and my closed eyes filled with tears as I push air out my nose. I could feel the guitar bounce up and down on my chest as I continued playing my little song.

The wave of grief passed and I began to feel drowsy. I put the guitar back to the side and this time was able to go to sleep. I went through the usual course of dreams where I am in my underware at work and then I awoke to kind of a happy day. The sun was shinning. We seemed to be leaving for somewhere. I don't know where though. My wife was there except she didn't look like my wife. We were in kind of a living room type of area similar to an first floor appartment type living room with a sliding glass door.

In addition to leaving, she was getting ready for something and I was too. All of the sudden there was a really loud crack of thunder. She quickly opened up the sliding glass door and ran outside as if she was running to the car. The rain fell in really big dropplets and immediately soaked her close. She quickly took off her top revealing a black kind of blouse thing.

Then, as if in a video tape that had been spliced, all the rain had stopped and the she had a black dress; a casual black dress. She was still in her blouse and baggie pants that she had been wearing but she had this dress and started to put it on. As it came down over her head before it came to hang from her shoulders could tell she was going to look very good in it.

Somebody asked her something and it was either the person asking the question or the or it was in her response but I heard the word "date". I had to ask! "What did you say? Are you going on a date?"

Her response was clear and in a kind of "No duh!" replay, she said, Yeah! Of course! Why? And I realized what we were getting ready for and where we were going. We were getting ready for our divorce and we were going to go to it like it was some type of formal event like a . . .
"Wedding!" I then knew inside this dream I was in that we were going to go to this thing together but we were not going to leave together.

I remember her saying, "Yes, I met your "Ref." as in referee. At the time, in the dream, I think I was thinking coach. But she clearly said "Ref"?????

Anyway, she said "Yes, I met your "Ref." and we kind of hit it off and we are going on date. Then she turned, looked at me and said, "Nya Nya! Hey! we're not going to be married after this!"

I woke up breathing heavy. I started to process what had just happened and started to understand it to be a dream. I felt a little relieved but still shaken - really shaken.

I grabbed the guitar by the neck swung it back over my chest and started to play my little song again and drifted back to sleep.