The Earthquake and it's Aftermath

Where was I in my head last year this time? I wish I knew. Where was I two years ago at this time. Wish I knew that one two. I remember communicating with a woman on this blog. It kind of felt like were hiking on a path and met each other. Eventually she went her way and I mine. I think this is what kind of put a cramp on me writting in this blog.

This is really crazy but I am starting to look at that time with kind of, dare I say; fond memories. I think it was because I was emerging from my deep enmeshment with my now ex-wife and beginning to look at life with a different set of eyes.

Life was becoming different for me. In actuallity life had been much different for me ever since I moved to the place that I currently live. It was like on November 22/23 of 2005 there was an earthquake. A really big freaking earthquake. After the earthquake I spent the next six months in the hospital recovering from the immediate wounds I had sustained during the quake. Then at six months I got out of the hospital and emerged into a radically changed world. As I went though the city all the places I had known were no longer their. There were no familiar places. They were either in ruins, completely gone, or had been rebuilt into something totally different. Most of the places were in ruins and appeared unsafe to enter. The pain of see the ruins was tremendous. Thankfully corpeses had long since been hauled away. I have not seen one yet and hope that I don't.

The biggest thing was that the place that I lived, the place where I took refuge, where I took shelter was gone. There was no place to get out of the rain. During that time, the time immediately after getting out of the hospital, it rained continuously. I could however get temporary shelter. When it gets really bad I have been able get under awnings from huts that I run across in the jungle. Nobody, let's me in. Some are really afraid of me. I mean I don't look too good right now. One time I got invited in but the place was kind of scary and it actually felt better out in the rain.

I never really have gotten used to it, I mean the rain that is. It still rains alot but every once in a while the sun comes out. I am really grateful to see the sun when it comes out. But sometimes as I am traveling I see things like when I was invited into the scarry looking hut that kind make the rain feel good. Sometimes the rain is warm. And, although wet; the warm rain feels really good. So I let wash down over me and just feel it.

The weather is a big thing here it seems to dictate every aspect of my life - of life in general. The rain really helps things grow and things are growing. It is hard to notice though. Sometimes when I look back or when I return to certain areas, I can really see the growth. But on the whole I really don't see it. Other people can really see it but I guess I can't for the most part.

The city is being rebuilt but I have not gone back into the city I mean deep into the city. I am afraid. I am afraid of what I might see. I am afraid I will see more wreckage than I can bear. Or worse yet I am afraid I will walk into buildings that I think are structurally sound only to have them fall in on me. So I don't go back into the city. I stay out in the rain.

It's raining today. It is light. You might say it is just sprinking a bit. Never-the-less it is cloudy and the sun is not out and I am getting wet. I am a hell of a lot more used to it than I was. But gosh, I still don't like it.