The state of my recovery

So I can only take it for one hour. This is the time I spend at the Saturday morning ACoA meeting. It is an hour and a half meeting and I can only deal with it for one hour. I am not sure why that is. I think some thing is wrong here.

This morning I felt like if I stayed I would have to talk to people after the meeting. This is not good. What does this say about my recovery? I used to really love that meeting. For some reason today I didn’t. I really didn’t have anything to say or to share about.

Now I am sitting in a room on the other side of the church waiting for my next meeting. I hope nobody shows up. Usually when I hope this, somebody does show up and it turns out to be a pretty good meeting.

It is just after the half hour and I can hear the other people getting out of the meeting. I really should have stayed. I think I am in a not so bright place in my head. The whack jobs as Frank puts it did not share today or at least there weren’t a lot of whack jobs who shared.

It really bothers me that I think that some of the people that are at these meetings are real whack jobs. (I love that term) However, I think it is important to discern the whack jobs and understand that a lot of the sharing that happens at these meetings is nothing but pure insanity. Sometimes it is just people getting off on themselves.

I didn’t share today because I felt it was just going to come from that ego driven place. The “everybody look at me see how recovered I am” kind of place or the “my life is tough. I am really pullin’ the big load people. Look at me. Look at this load I got on. But I’m doin it cause that’s the kinda guy I am – kinda place. So at 9:00 I got up and left.