an hour and a half at work

1:53 pm Assembly file created

1:54 pm In Context part created

1:55 pm Sketch created

1:55 pm Rectangle created

1:56 pm Dimensions of width and height applied to rectangle

1:56 pm Stare at rectangle

2:00 pm Still Staring at rectangle - wondering how big should the rectangle really be intermixed with obsessing about other stuff going on in my life.

2:05 pm Still Staring at rectangle - wondering how big should the rectangle really be intermixed with obsessing about other stuff going on in my life.

2:10 pm Still Staring at rectangle - wondering how big should the rectangle really be intermixed with obsessing about other stuff going on in my life.

2:15 pm Width of rectangle changed.

2:20 pm Stare at rectangle some more accept applied width and height dimensions intermixed with obsessing about other stuff going on in my life.  Thinking about giving rectangle some thickness.  What thickness though????  Obsessing about other stuff going on in my life.

2:22 pm Thickness decided and applied - I can't talk about this anymore - I'll either have to kill you or get fired.  If I get fired, I'll kill you - you're dead either way.

2:30 pm Get an e-mail about on-line ethics training.

2:35 pm Start online ethics training course

2:37 pm Ask coworkers how hard the tests are.  Co-workers laugh at me.

2:38 pm Continue talking about ethics with co-workers.

2:50 pm Take the online course

2:15 pm complete online course

2:15 pm Pray that I never have an ethics situation come up in my area of work. (It's not that I am unethical - that much. . but one can get into serious trouble without even knowing it.  Stay away from vendors and customers is the take away here.)

As an aside, speaking of ethics, I hope that what I am writing here in not unethical or violates intellectual property issues. It's just the size of a rectangular solid without material information.

2:19 Stare at rectangular solid created and wonder what to do next.  Obsess on other stuff going on in my life. . . .

Off the map again and in the Fog.

When everything once so familiar now seems so foreign, so alien. I feel alienated from life, from everyone.

So we got this plant presentation going on.  Here's how it happened.  My wife passed on December 6th of last year - a little over one month ago as of the time of this writing.  I took that week off and was going to return on the 14th.  However, I had lots of stuff to do that day and I ended up coming in on that Tuesday, the 15th.  On that Monday an e-mail was sent out saying that the team that was supposed to host January's meeting was not ready.  Was there any other team that could it?  Our team leader signed us up for it.

So you got a fucking team that had done some work on it but shucky darns they don't think they're ready to do it.  So, yeah, our team is totally cold on it. Sure sign us the fuck up. I learn of this on the 15th - the day I get back from my wife passing away.  Do you know how much the fuck I feel like fucking hosting a fucking plant fucking meeting - fuck? Yeah, not too fucking much!

Our leader says he'll do most of the work and talking and he is. So, it isn't as bad as I thought.  He's gonna do this Star Wars theme thing.  Yeah, I am so totally fucking sick of Star fucking Wars.  We all do the morph faces on Star Wars characters. We are asked to do a small bio including skills and interests outside of work.

I do the bio.  I kind of start to get into it and come up with about a 3 sentence bio, skills, and interests outside of work.  I put some funny stuff in there. Stuff that isn't true but funny.  Turns out everyone else is just putting in skills and interests.  Everyone starts talking about how I put a "Novel" on my slide.

So, Fuck that. I do the same thing. Except, I only put one word for each thing. Interests: one word, Skills: one word, all of it true and boring.  You can read all about me in less than two or three seconds.

At first, I wasn't going to come to the plant meeting but then as I kind of felt like I was getting into it I thought I would go.  Now, fuck it. I am taking that day off. I am going to Colorado.

I feel so alienated.  Like, in case you didn't get it Floyd you are not one of us.  Unfortunately we needed to give you a little smack upside the head to let you know so.

"Okay, Okay, I got it!  Just stay the fuck away from me then.  You know, Fuck off.  Do your stupid fucking plant meeting without me.  Fuck off." Says Floyd.