10 true things 082017

This is what today looks like.  It is Sunday and I have not spoken to a single soul since I left work on Friday.  It actually isn't that bad.  So I am going to write about the mundane.

1.)  The last caffeine I have had was on Friday morning. . . I am fairly sure.   I realized this yesterday afternoon when I started feeling a mild head ache.   I then decided that I would continue on and not have any excedrine like stuff.

2.) My knee is better.  It did look like this:

This was last Saturday.   This has pretty much kept me inactive most of the week.  I stayed home from work on Monday then went to the doctor on Tuesday and got a cortisone shot in the knee.   I really thought I would be going up Little Bear again this weekend and sort of prepared for it.  On Thursday I went for a hike up to about 7600 ft on Elden.  The knee did okay but it did give out now and then.  The more concerning part was that I was extremely out of breath.  On Friday, the knee seemed even better so I went for a walk at lunch.  Just as I was getting back it gave out.  And then the rest of the day I could feel it wanting to give out.  I then went up to 7600 ft again this morning and was completely out of breath.  I was wasted by the time I got to the turn around point.  I was going to try to make it to the boulders but at 7600 I called it.  Concerning!  My knee was sore and felt like it wanted to give out but it didn't.  It feels like it wants to give when there is a twisting action.

3.) I am debating on whether to go to the Sunday night meeting that seems to be folding.

4.) I have stayed off face book.

5.) I have tried to stay away from seeing Monika at work.  I have seen her but from a distance way down the hall or some thing like that.  This is just fucking nuts.

6.) I stayed inside the house all day Saturday (yesterday) did not leave once.  I actually slept until 3:30.   Hopefully to help my knee heal.  In the morning I could not put together the motivation to do anything other than watch Styxhexenhammer666 video so I just went back to bed.  I watched the videos while I ate the rest of my cinnamon toast crunch cereal.

7.) I have been watching https://www.youtube.com/user/Styxhexenhammer666  He is a smart ass kind of guy and is quite arrogant.  He completely lacks compassion.  Never the less he appears to make logical arguments.  He seems to be well read.  And of course he says a lot of stuff I agree with.  I ran across him when I was watching Lauren Southern do an interview with him.

8.) Speaking of YouTube, I have been binge watching it.   I will say that if I am watching YouTube it is better than the other shit I could be watching which for this weekend appears to be at a minimum. 

Thank you G-d.

I did get far too absorbed into the Charlottesville thing and then there was a Boston free speech rally which I started to go for.  Finally this afternoon I ended up on more uplifting stuff like Colin Furze

9.) Continue to miss Wendy.

10.) I decided to stop making soap.  It is kind of a pain in the ass and it seemed to be fun when Wendy was here.  Now it is just a pain in the ass.

Off the map again and in the Fog.

When everything once so familiar now seems so foreign, so alien. I feel alienated from life, from everyone.

So we got this plant presentation going on.  Here's how it happened.  My wife passed on December 6th of last year - a little over one month ago as of the time of this writing.  I took that week off and was going to return on the 14th.  However, I had lots of stuff to do that day and I ended up coming in on that Tuesday, the 15th.  On that Monday an e-mail was sent out saying that the team that was supposed to host January's meeting was not ready.  Was there any other team that could it?  Our team leader signed us up for it.

So you got a fucking team that had done some work on it but shucky darns they don't think they're ready to do it.  So, yeah, our team is totally cold on it. Sure sign us the fuck up. I learn of this on the 15th - the day I get back from my wife passing away.  Do you know how much the fuck I feel like fucking hosting a fucking plant fucking meeting - fuck? Yeah, not too fucking much!

Our leader says he'll do most of the work and talking and he is. So, it isn't as bad as I thought.  He's gonna do this Star Wars theme thing.  Yeah, I am so totally fucking sick of Star fucking Wars.  We all do the morph faces on Star Wars characters. We are asked to do a small bio including skills and interests outside of work.

I do the bio.  I kind of start to get into it and come up with about a 3 sentence bio, skills, and interests outside of work.  I put some funny stuff in there. Stuff that isn't true but funny.  Turns out everyone else is just putting in skills and interests.  Everyone starts talking about how I put a "Novel" on my slide.

So, Fuck that. I do the same thing. Except, I only put one word for each thing. Interests: one word, Skills: one word, all of it true and boring.  You can read all about me in less than two or three seconds.

At first, I wasn't going to come to the plant meeting but then as I kind of felt like I was getting into it I thought I would go.  Now, fuck it. I am taking that day off. I am going to Colorado.

I feel so alienated.  Like, in case you didn't get it Floyd you are not one of us.  Unfortunately we needed to give you a little smack upside the head to let you know so.

"Okay, Okay, I got it!  Just stay the fuck away from me then.  You know, Fuck off.  Do your stupid fucking plant meeting without me.  Fuck off." Says Floyd.

Words support like bone

Dreaming of Mercy.

Mercy Street.

Nowhere in the corridors of pale green and grey

Nowhere in the suburbs

In the cold light of day

There in the midst of it so alive and alone

Words support like bone

Dreaming of Mercy Street

Wear your inside out

Looking for mercy