Six times in one night. Between the hours of 11:00 pm and 5 am. Then it was 5 times the following 24 hours. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. My urge was driven by a general feeling of diconnectedness with the world or with the HP (not hewlett packard) and anxiety about finances and a little about my job - which, of course, is where I am writing this.
I think what you talk about when you say you hear or see a person's name, is what I would call a "trigger." For me, it is not really about the person but rather it is really the anxiety and disconnectedness and the need to be relieved from these for a little while.
I actually went about 2 days without any activity in that area and then last night one time. Since Sunday I have been taking something to help me sleep. This knocks out a huge chunk of time that this activity normally happens. Last night it took a really long time and it really didn't work. I did it in spite of the sleep aid. I actually forced myself to stay awake to complete the mission.
I think this is God's way of saying,"No No No, you are not going to get rid of this thing - this activity with a pill, pal! You need to work on the disconnectedness and your fears."
I hate this addiction. I truely hate it! Sometimes I would rather be dead.
We been dancin' with . . . (For me it is not Mr. Brownstone.)
He's been knockin'
He won't leave me alone
No, no ,no, he won't leave me alone
I used ta do a little but a little wouldn't do
So the little got more and more
I just keep tryin' ta get a little better
Said the little better than before
I used ta do a little but a little wouldn't do
So the little got more and more
I just keep tryin' ta get a little better
Said the little better than before
Now I get up around whenever
I used ta get up on time
But that old man he's a real muthafucker
Gonna kick him on down the line
(I am trying to kick him on down the line!)
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3 comments:
It is me not being in control in certain aspects of my life where I think I should be and is the need for a short escape to collect myself before going to battle for control.... Being as I do not drink or do drugs, and not being rich beyond my wildest dreams and able to spend money like a crazy person, hence sex.
My current trigger is of course a person, which leads into a memory of the morning before one of my trips to Rome, a few other nights before then, plus a few other sorted things. The person involved was the last one to invade my mind in such a way, besides the husband. LOL
Once invaded, I get a little testy when I don't get what I think I want; what is it the "Borg" always say? LOL If this person knows whom he is and is reading, I apologize about being such a bitch several months ago.
Are you ever on here in the evenings?
Should I call the afore mentioned person to whom I was a bitch several months ago? I still have his cell number.
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