No Valerie

E-mail to Tara:

No, No hike.

I did go for a hike up Humphreys with some guys from work.  While we were on the hike my phone dialed Valarie's number. (pocket dial)  This is very weird because her number wasn't up on the que for dialing.  I hadn't called her. . .  actually ever.  Usually a pocket dial will happen with the most recent person I talked with on the phone or someone on the the top of my contacts.  She was in neither.  We had texted though and calls can be made from the text app.  And that is probably what happened.  However, I had had a text conversation with one other person after her.  It should have pulled the most recent one which was not her but it didn't.

  

So she got a message on her phone with a bunch of thunder and pocket sounds.  I was actually just getting back into treeline on Humphreys when it happened. My phone did all kinds of other things which I explained in the message I sent her when I got home.  Here is that message:

"Hi Valerie. It looks like my phone pocket dialed you while I was on my hike so you may have gotten a messed up message. You weren't alone though my phone also sent a gibberish e-mail to my financial adviser, opened my bank app, and sent a gibberish text to a coworker. . . Sorry. I am really embarrassed. Thanks for talking with me yesterday - it really helped. Hope you're having a good day."

I did not get anything back. Nothing.  Not a "That's okay. hope you had a good hike." or anything like that.  My fucking higher power is working over time to do for me what I can't do for myself.  Awesome.  Yes she would be better than suicide but it looks like it's suicide.  I am fucking being punished. 

I am actually having a really bad day in case you couldn't tell.  I am very weepy and missing Wendy.  I really feel like shit.  I really feel alone.  I really fucking hate this.

I really hope I die soon.

Take care

Andy
_____________________________________________
The next post.  45 Mercy Street a Poem by Anne Sexton seems to get it.

searching for a street sign - 

namely MERCY STREET. 

Not there.