Realization.

Most people actually do make it out.  He'd seen it and experienced it for himself.  It was nice when he would find someone to walk with.  He had just been walking with someone who found their way out.  Sometimes they would just vanish like Myra but other times he would just start losing the connection with them until they would become transparent like a ghost. They might fade in, become a little more vivid, fade out, come back in like clouds parting and then fade out completely and they were gone.  Which was the case with Tara.  Now he was alone.

Many people don't make it out and now he knew he would be one of them.  He started seeing the signs that the other's before him had seen.  Primarily it was the dead ends.  He was a master at spotting them.  Plus, he knew he had done too much.  He had done too much damage.  Even when he got out he started right in again. Actually to be honest he had never stopped.  He'd been doing it since age 11 as he had been programmed.  He'd been trained, became a master at it and then, well, that is all he knew.  These skills that were now second nature to him were no longer needed and maybe this is where one ends up?  He began to wonder.

It occurred to him, "On the outside, she had not faded.  She died.  Or, was she killed?  He couldn't couldn't distinguish between the two but it didn't matter.  People die here all the time.  The death is usually horrible not like in the other world.  "The other fucking world." he ruminated.  He did not know how to get there and figured this was it.  Suicide. not an option.  You come back.  He'd seen those that come back, just right where they left off.

"There must be some kinda way outta here said the joker to the thief."