Valerie.

I can't believe I did that.  We both went up to put the books in the box after the meeting.  I said, "Can I talk to you after the meeting?"  She said, "Yes."

We talked after the meeting.  I asked if the offer still stood to call and talk to her.  She said, "Sure." I told her that I need to reach out.  It seems like everyone I talk to is going through wonderful times.  It seems like she is going through a trying time in her life and I have been well for the last four and a half years.  I can not go through another winter like last winter.  (Holy shit that was horrible. - as an aside.)

As we talked she talked about schedule and that she would like to go for a hike.  (Totally did not see that one coming.)   I told her I was going to be gone for basically two weeks and that I was going to go up Humphrey's Peak tomorrow with some people from work at around 8 am.  I immediately got a look from her like, "Are you sure you want to do that?"   I said, "Yeah, I know.  You think it's too late to start the hike?"  She said, "Yeah, I wouldn't start that late.  The storms have been coming in around noon."  She then said she had been thinking about going up Humphreys but was going to start around 6. (Once again, did not see that one.)  I told her that that sounded like a better idea.  She said she had made other plans for tomorrow but wasn't sure if they would work out.  If the plans fell through she would do Humphrey's.  (Coincidence?)  We seemed to both arrive at "That would be a good hike to do together."  So I am supposed to text her tonight to see if she is going up Humphrey's tomorrow at 6.

Now I am all fucking nervous and shit.  Really?  Come on!

It feels that possibly she might be thinking beyond friends. . . I hope.  I can not read these things at all.  But it needs to be friends for what ever we do together.  But it would be so nice if it went straight to waking up together Monday morning.  The other thing is Humphrey's is a bit of a "commit."  If things go south then there we are on the side of the mountain on a rather strenuous hike.  It is 3500 ft over 6 miles.  Once again, it is just two acquaintances basically going out on a hike.  It would be no different than a meet up.  But it would be different than a meet up because we would be talking about intense stuff I would imagine - actually I would hope.  Like I said, totally did not see this one coming when I woke up this morning.

I don't even know her and I am wanting to be in a relationship with her.  I am a drowning man grasping at anything to save my life.  I am not saying she is "just anything." but I don't know how crazy she might be.  There is a lot of drama in her life which I could get dragged into.  She did talk about how her ex-husband who she calls her "former spouse" is finally taking AA seriously.  She can her it in the way he talks and that gives her hope.  Seems like if he "got" the program she might be drawn back to him and . . . well, you know, that would be a bit painful.

If I had to bet.  I would bet I will not be hiking up Humphrey's with her tomorrow.  It will be a bit relieving if she says the other plans are on.

Then I go up Humphrey's at 8 am and get struck by lightening.  Really not a bad option so long as I don't survive.