On 2017-11-15 3:56 pm Tara wrote:

On 2017-11-15 14:56, Tara wrote:

I would not invest hardly any emotional energy in someone who was dating around.  If I even decided to have a first date with such a person, it would be because I thought it would be fun and that I would be pretty sure not to get hung up on him.....or because I felt guided to do it. 

I have absolutely NO interest in being set up to compete with other women for someone. That situation is a TOTAL turnoff for me.  My attitude is that if someone I'm with is eyeing someone else, that woman can have him....immediately, my pleasure.  (This is pride, of course.  It's also theoretical, since I've never been with someone who was open about their dalliances.)  This is a little different from Valerie who was up front with you right away and is just dating rather than roving.

I guess she's not available for a relationship, and maybe she won't be for quite awhile.  Did she give you an idea on this?

She has two enticing things to offer, attractive and showed interest -- neither of which makes any difference in how good a partner someone will be.  Have you asked yourself what it is about her that makes you really want a relationship?  If it's just "could be my last and only chance," that doesn't say much.  Does she have anything more to offer than scores of other women have, besides having reached out to you?   I would think you'd be much better off focusing on how she does or doesn't meet your needs rather than what you are to her.  Maybe you don't even want to be dating someone who isn't available to get into a relationship in the near future.  

If the situation is making you less interested, then, yeah, either talk to her about it and/or back off.  I would think it would be good to talk to her about it, though.  Then if you guys decide not to continue dating you wouldn't be left with some uncomfortable ambiguity that ruins your Sat. mtg.  You could even tell her that you would be very interested in resuming if and when she's available to really consider being in a relationship if that's what you wanted.

I think it's really up to you, Andy.  She's having a wonderful time with different men who are paying her a lot of attention.  You are the one whose needs may not be getting met.  If this is really worth it, I wouldn't back off unless I told her that's what I'm going to do and why.  Maybe let her know if you would be interested in picking it up more again when she's ready to get into a relationship.  Or if you want to keep on going like you have been, maybe stop following her FB posts.

I'm concerned I'm getting the bad fatigue thing again.  This morning I spend TWO HOURS STRAIGHT pressing the snooze button, and then didn't do what I had scheduled.  I feel like I'm having a "slump life."  Nothing fun or exciting or much of anything at all.  I can't think about the abbey because it makes me stressed.  So, just in a slump.....or maybe just vegging for awhile after many decades of overworking and overstressing.  Nothing really feels hopeful -- not that I don't have a lot of things to be grateful for.  I'm not depressed or even very disturbed.  I guess it's good I'm scheduled to go to the abbey, because it's not like there's NOTHING on the horizon -- just nothing on the horizon for the next 7 weeks or that I can bear to think about after that..

Hope you feel better soon,

Tara