Valerie

Glad you had a good time yesterday.  She has to be careful with her words so she can feel like she's doing sober dating.  That doesn't mean she's lukewarm.  Whenever you invite her to connect, she does.

I wouldn't back off.  You like her and you like being with her.  You'd rather be spending more time with her than less.  If she's anything like other ACA's I know, it takes one unclear move and about two seconds to question whether the guy who has been saying how much he likes you has now changed his mind.  

In my experience, the percentage of men who decide to back off but are still just as interested as ever in forming a relationship = 0%.  My experience is with addicts/alcoholics using and not. Maybe normies aren't like that.  But if she's been conditioned anything like I have, sensing a man back off before a stable relationship has been established is a very clear sign that you'd better put your eggs in a different basket.   It evokes the immediate thought "Oh..I guess he's changed his mind and decided"...fill in the blank... (maybe he didn't enjoy me so much on the last date;  maybe he recently met someone else;   maybe I'm not available enough for him;   maybe he's comparing me unfavorably to his former partner, etc.).

I think most women LOVE the unflagging attention of a man they're interested in and that's what they've come to expect.  If I felt a man pulling back during courtship, I'd immediately drop him way down on my priority list...no matter how much he had previously convinced me that he's really interested in me OR how much I'd been interested in him.   There are two gifts you can give her which are really special:  1) Being yourself with all the endearing qualities and exceptional emotional honesty which are uniquely you... and 2) Being willing, as the man (I know it's not fair - but it's what women have come to expect...especially ones who have plenty of men interested in them), to risk putting your neck on the line again and again without cease to show her how important she is to you, even though that won't be reciprocated for a long time with anything other than her continuing to accept your invitations.

If you're worried about pressuring her you can ask her "Am I coming on too strong for you?  or Will you please let me know if you start feeling pressured by me?"

Disclaimer:  My advice comes only from observing the many men I've linked with over the years as well as what the other women I've known care about and think.  I have no business saying anything & you can discard my advice ...BUT...at your peril.

There.  I've frittered away another 20 mins. of a day of procrastination.  I'd better stop it soon, or I'll be mad at myself tonight.  Funny, Andy, I really want you to have a chance at a fulfilling relationship, even though I have grave doubts about whether or not I will ever have another.  Sometimes it's hard not to just fly back into Roy's arms.  But I made a commitment to myself, I guess, to just stay alone until I leave for Nova Scotia in 7 weeks.  Right now the bane of my life is doing the million things that need to be done before I leave.  Uugh.

L & L,

Tara