Some more on "The Wreckage"

I like the wreckage analogy.  I continue to feel worse. Everyday seems a little worse than the one before. I told my massage therapist today that it feels like the plane crashed into the building on December 6th.  Right now the fire is raging weakening the beams and girders inside.  The building will be coming down.  I think it has to if I am going to be able rebuild. So we haven't quite achieved wreckage.

I sit in the rocking chair.  Actually it's the glider. It's the glider where she nursed her children. On the piano I can see the back of our wedding album.  It has a picture of Wendy and me and a caption that says, "The Journey Begins"  Okay yeah I'm crying.  I can barely see what I am typing.  I am wondering, did the journey end on December 6th.  No,  It did not end.  It is still going. I am still on it and she's still with me.

I am supposed to go to Buffalo Park with Nancy tomorrow.  No nothing is going to happen.  No Fucking way.  Of course I have my fantasies.  They get me out of the pain of seeing the two of us and now the two of us in physical form is no longer.  That is the pain.  The little Rocky and Bullwinkle show I got going on in my head takes that pain away.