I went to my acupuncture appt. yesterday at 12:30. I brought Marcia 3 pairs of Wendy's socks of which she could pick one. She was really excited because she thought I had brought all three for her. Which means she likes the socks because they were Wendy's and may mean that she likes them because I knitted them. I couldn't part with all three. I can't let that much of Wendy go.
She said she thought I was bringing her socks that I had been working on. She was right. I told her last time that I had been working on two pair of socks for Wendy when she died. And then I went on to tell her that I would finish those and would "love" to give them to her. So this says a couple of things to me. One is that she likes the socks I made for Wendy to where. Another is that she was really listening when I told her I was working on two pair when she died and that I would finish them and love for her to have them. Note the use of the word love in that sentence. Not, "like" for her to have them, not I could finish them and if she wanted I could give them to her. (That's what I said to her, Wendy.) The other is that she would like to have socks that were knitted by me. These socks would mean something to her.
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| I learned to knit in 2009 |
We talked about movies. She said she went to see Star Wars in 3D. She said her sister was here in town and asked her to go but she couldn't and then she said, I actually thought of you but thought, "He's at work he can't go. Could you have?" I told her and I gotta tell you the truth on this one is that if she called me to go see a movie during the week. I would make up something. I told her, "yeah, sure. Unless I got a really important meeting of something - I mean just as long as I am getting my stuff done" (which I actually am.). Is she going to call me during the week to go see a movie? I think it's a safe bet that she won't. Her son's girlfriend went with her.
Next item up is yoga. At my last appt with her she said she was going to text me to go to yoga with her. I did not get a text that Thursday. Yes, I was a bit bummed but a bit relieved. She forgot what happened that night - why she hadn't texted or called me. I told her that I had made up my mind that if she was going to text me, I was going to go. She said she would text me that night at 6:30. She also said that she was trying to get her "friend" Dean and her sister to go.
That's pretty much it for the appt.
She did text exactly at 6:30. I was watching JD's dogs. Her office is really close to where JD lives. I ended up over there in about 2 minute. So it is 6:32 just 2 minutes after she texted me and I text her, I'm here. I heard a truck across the street honk it's horn. I texted her if that was her truck then told her I was in the parking lot. It was freezing as I walked around the lot when I got a text saying that the yoga class wasn't until 7:15. Oh boy, hmmmm. do I look a little bit too enthusiastic or what.
I had realized on the way over there that I only had 8 bucks and the class cost fifteen. I started to panic on the way over there. That's great! That's just fucking great! You're going to ask her to pay for your yoga class - what a douche bag! This will put an end to anything that might happen. So after I get the text I go to the bank and pull money out. Then I drive down the main drag and back to burn up sometime then park in front of JD's house and wait til 7:00 to roll around. I figure, if I am in the lot when she get's there it is going to look like I am a bit too enthusiastic. So I wait in front of JD's house for her text. I mean it is like I am in some kind of movie where I am waiting for the signal to synchronize efforts to rob a bank. The signal comes. Immediately, I put my 2000 Toyota minivan into gear, All 6 cylinders and 194 horses are put into action to move me two blocks over to her office. At least I didn't turn so hard and fast into the parking lot that the rear end of the van didn't swerve.
The yoga class was good and peaceful. I put my mat down beside her's without crowding her space - I think. A couple of times I saw her laying there and I imagined as if it was just her and me. Her hair on the floor. The way she would pick herself up to the sitting position to move one of the props. I thought how nice it would be to over there with her.
When we were walking back to the her office/parking lot she said I will be texting you next Thursday. I told her I would be looking forward to it. So this could be my "Thursday night thing" but only if it is with her at least for the time being. I told her that I wasn't prepared to do it without her. She is sort of like my training wheels here. I hope she is more than my training wheels.
This whole thing that I have written is way better than thinking about Wendy not being here.
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