In Withdrawal

ME:

On Thu, Aug 22, 2019 at 8:38 AM wrote:

I won't be using messenger anymore or at least for a while.  I need to stay off facebook.  I have to put that in my inner circle.  It is driving me up the wall.  I keep going back to my phone or checking my e-mail to see if I have received a response from her.  So I have taken messenger off my phone and unsubscribed to notifications from facebook and messenger.  So I no longer need to look at my phone or my e-mail.  I just have to not go on facebook.

Why does this keep happening to me?

Signed

In withdrawal

Andy

Tara:

On 2019-08-22 09:47, Tara wrote:

What exactly happened?  You sent her a msg yesterday or the day before and she didn't answer?

I had this a few months ago, before ending any possibility of a romantic R with the MT guy.  He would back off in some way, not reply to something or take longer than usual to reply.  It would be something that I wouldn't think twice about if a regular friend or family member did it.  But he was in temporary HP spot in my life ( the one who determines my worth, my overall desirability as a partner to anyone, my acceptability as a human being to take up space on the planet, the one who could condemn me to irredeemable worthlessness with the roll of an eye), so everything he did or didn't do took on special importance.  I'd have to talk myself down from it every time I got triggered.

In the desert,

Tara

ME:

On Thu, Aug 22, 2019 at 10:55 AM <drew@sybillus.com> wrote:

I caved (or maybe not) but thinking that it might be something else other than me, I texted her, "Hope you are doing well."  If I don't hear back from that then I will know something is up.

Treading water

Andy

Tara:
Yeah. Most people don't have the appetite for talking about feelings that you and I have. Men often give a non-response response to having a feeling mentioned to them, especially if they aren't in program. Where are you at with Step 2? It seems like last time we talked about that kind of stuff, some time back, you didn't have much belief in anything left. It's something I've been working on lately, since I've had the "It's over" stuff in my face for awhile. Having some kind of non-human HP (even if it's not theistic) seems important since we are 100% powerless over this kind of addictive stuff (and pretty much everything else, too). Going to meet a sponsee now to do stepwork. I'm doing it alongside her, which seems like a good idea since I need all the recovery support I can get!