A little ampped up tonight. or This is what happened with Vicky

In reference to the post a while back about Vicky Cullen.  We met for a hike on North Table mountain and then went to this blue grass concert at a brewery.  She considered it a date.  I did not.  When I found out she did then I went along.  What the fuck, why not.

Out of the entire episode with her this is what kinda gets me

Let me start with a short recap of the episode.  We meet on facebook - old schoolmates from grade school no less.  Eventually we make plans to meet in Golden.  We meet for a hike and then lunch at a brewery.  I discover she considers our meeting a date so I go along. - hook, line, and sinker.  We get to talking.

The next thing is important.  Some of my videos on facebook are on my youtube channel.  She looks through the videos and one them she watches is of me and Wendy walking to the Taco Shack.  It was probably two years ago to the day as I am writing this.  When this video was taken Wendy's time on the planet was less than two months.  Anyway Vicky (I'm sorry I think Victoria is a stupid fucking pretentious name. - yes I know - me being bitter - whatever) starts talking about that video and how much it "touched" her.  As she is talking about it there is a little thing in the back of my mind that I am not really paying attention to.  The little thing I guess is some sort of warning that indicated I was being played.  Never-the-less this appeals to my ego that it drowns out the warning buzzer and down the rabbit hole I fall.  At then end of our meeting she says she wants me to tell her when I am coming up again.  I agree to do so.

A couple weeks later I go back up there for a wilderness medical class and on that Saturday morning I see pictures of her and her ex with just his name written for the caption.  There were three of these posts and they were met for me.

So yes it hurts that she does not want to go out with me or that she used me to make the boyfriend that dumped her jealous.  It worked.  I really gotta take that in.  If the guy had any self esteem he would have just looked at the post of us on face book and said "So what?"  But no he actually found my presence in her life threatening. (He's just a sucker with no self esteem - the great poet Dexter Holland)

What really gets me is she looked at that video of me and Wendy both of us in a tremendous amount of pain and then used that on me.

So I gotta not go there.  I am going to have to talk about this with someone like a licensed professional.