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10/5/2017:
Finally confided (don't worry I got three months left) with my massage therapist this evening. Growing old is not on my agenda. Life feels very punishing. If you believe in karma, and I do; it would appear I did a lot of bad shit in the past. Although I have to admit I am having a hard time trying to figure out what the fuck is it that I did to have it coming back at me like this. In my opinion I think karma's got an unwarranted hard-on for me. So I think I am going to have to punch out.
So I confided with my massage therapist that I want to go try and catch up with Wendy this January. Actually it will be on December 6th, two years from the date she died. I mean really what the fuck am I doing. I've pretty much done everything I wanted to do.
The video above is my hike up Little Bear on Aug 27. It was totally awesome being up there. At the beginning when you look down either side of the knife edge it is around 1500 ft. It is a total head rush probably because the consequences are rather severe. I think that when climbers have accidents up there, they go out doing what they love to do. I also think that although it is sad, family members know this too and ultimately come away with a good feeling about what happened to their loved one.
I find this to be a bit relieving - the pain is going to end soon
I have always been here
I have always looked out from behind these eyes
It feels like more than a lifetime
Feels like more than a lifetime
Sometimes I get tired of the waiting
Sometimes I get tired of being in here
Is this the way it has always been?
Could it ever have been different?
Do you ever get tired of the waiting?
Do you ever get tired of being in there?
Don't worry, nobody lives forever,
Nobody lives forever
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