Okay, so I called her this morning, told her I had not heard back since last Thurs, that I texted her yesterday, and was wondering if she was alright. I usually wake up at 6:30 and go out to the rocking chair and listen to music. I decided to give her a call then and that is the message I left. Then went back to listening to music. About five minutes later my phone buzzes. It was her.
Remember how you would say, "Well this is it. I am never going to hear from Roy again only to have a couple of days go by and ring ring ring.
Yeah, well. . . . .
There must be something to why we do this. It may be a way of getting to acceptance - letting go. The more I say it, especially to someone else, the more I start to believe it. Once I believe it then I have something "real" to let go of. The strategy does pay off. It did with Victoria.
As an aside - What a pretentiously stupid sounding fucked up name. I have to say I did have a hard time hearing myself say that word. I always had this little bit of a cringe after the word "Victoria" was done ringing in my ears. Sour Grapes? you bet, I will cop to it. Okay, done with the rant.
Needless to say I was relieved when my phone buzzed and saw her name. It would appear her universe does not center around me though. She says her husband is going to the coast someplace like North or South Carolina to get away to think. He says he is going alone but she thinks, "the thing from Columbus" as she calls his girlfriend is going with him. I can't help it but something's not adding up. I mean, isn't it a given that his girlfriend would be going with him at this point? After what I've been through with Jenna and Victoria, I am a bit suspicious of everything now.
It is nice to just connect with someone that is not male.
Do I still feel like I did last night? No. Never-the-less I still feel like the universe is fucking with me. And apparently I have a bit of fear going into the end of this year and into next winter. Last night I was feeling the way I felt last winter. Last winter talking with you would relieve that feeling. Last night that feeling was not relieved. Maybe it is because I know you will be gone for 6 months so you will be useless to me. . . . It's a good thing I am not self centered and not view the closest ones to me as mere objects. Seriously though that may have something to do with it. I am sure Roy will totally freak the fuck out and call you before well before you leave. I am betting you will be with him on December 6th when you should be at the very least on the phone with me!
I really dread December 6th.
That's all
Peace out
Floyd
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From Beth
Maybe you're like I am. I'll do anything not to get
blind-sided. I'd rather live in a hellish delusion that's
"safe" than a happy, optimistic state which risks an occasional
chance of being blind-sided by someone who acted like they cared but I later
found didn't. Getting suckered. It happened too many times to count
in my younger life. After which would come the anger, not at the
manipulative person who deserved it, but at myself. "Of course they didn't
really care about you. What kind of stupid idiot are you, thinking
someone would really care? Don't you know better than that by
now?" Oh, how I despise getting suckered. It's like getting
caught naked by someone jeering.
The basic defense? Don't ever trust anyone who says
they care. Just figure it's impossible that that could happen once they
really get to know you. And bolster that by never being attracted to
anyone who really is dependable and might make you believe, over time, that
this one is different.
So are you suspicious of Sheila when she says she only
wonders if the GF is going? That doesn't sound suspicious to me.
She would like to believe her husband isn't lying to her. Maybe he does
want to get away from them both. Maybe the GF is becoming a PIA.
Did he tell Sheila that he was finished with the marriage? Are they getting
divorced? (You probably told me this, but I don't remember.)
I have a friend -- you remember, my friend "Job," who lost her
marriage, her job, her home, and her daughter died -- anyway, her husband left
her after 36 yrs for a much younger woman. They divorced and he moved in
with the woman and finally married her. Now after committing himself to
the new one, he's talking about leaving her. So sexy, exciting
"other women" can become PIA's if you stay with them.
It sounds like your judgement is pretty right on. You
were on to J & V. And S is not like them.
I haven't talked on the phone with Roy and he hasn't called
since I asked him not to. He did start emailing me when I was in SD and
still is. But I'm kinda like Sheila's husband. I'm going to Nova
Scotia to reset my brain. I don't really want to bring any more mind
baggage with me. So staying unpartnered sounds right to me.
Glad you heard back,
The Useless Object
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