Heading into depression

I received the letter and read it while on the phone with MJ. Nothing in it made me angry just incredibly sad. - incredibly sad. I am standing at the doorway to a completely unknown, un-envisioned future; I guess both of us are. My vision of growing into my "old age" has died. I am grieving this loss immensely.

When I woke up with you on the morning of Nov 22nd and you went off to work and I took the kids to school that was it. Then we got into "the accident." You died in that accident. I did not know it as such until just recently. This is the absolute most painful loss in my life.

What makes it worse is that I discovered on Friday that what this boils down to is that you are suing me for divorce. Typically the dead do not sue the people that survive them. Please do not read this the wrong way. I know this is what must be done and I am glad you are able to do it. Frankly, I don’t think I have it in me to sue you for divorce.

My mind goes back to Elizabeth.

From my friend: on Elizabeth. . .

Do you think Elizabeth is interested in you? You know, it took me a VERY long time to be comfortable with the idea that I could be on my own without someone in the wings. That "someone in the wings" safety net seemed absolutely essential. You may hate to hear this, but the REAL growth & freedom happened after I allowed the safety net to drop. I really didn't have real peace of mind or feeling of freedom until then.

I'm glad you've gone from the "I'll give R- whatever she wants & needs" stand to seeing that it's ok to take care of yourself. I'll be interested to hear what you hear from MJ this afternoon. I don't think I'll make it tonight to coffee, but I'll let you know if I can.

Namaste,
T