She said, (grammar and spelling corrected a little bit)

"A-, you are really working! It really shows." - this as I was leaving to get on my bicycle to ride back to the "The Cave." This is the room in which I live. I think I will call it the cave. It is a nice comfortable room at the back of the house. I have all the stuff I really need in this room. I am happy here.

I turned around, it was the distraction. I hate to use that term it sounds so objectifying and I want to do anything but objectify her. But, I don't want to put her name in this blog either. I see her only once a week for maybe an hour to an hour and a half. And at this vulnerable time in my life that is all I need to see her. She is beautiful and has an incredibly cute little boy. She is lovely the way she takes care of him. It is really quite beautiful to watch. It is much like the time, effort, and attention that R- gives our three children.

I will call her Elizabeth. Anyway, Elizabeth seemed to make it a point to talk to me. I was just going to trundle off on my bicycle but she continued, "It sounds so hard what you are going through." I told her that it was through these programs I was getting the help I needed. I am getting the support I need to get through this thing and certainly her comment helped. I don't know if I am getting better, but I am trying to do the next right thing. I do fail at it some times though.

Anyway as we finished our conversation, she said she was glad she got to talk to me. She said she was going back to L.A. to visit her grandmother for mother's day and, if I remember right, she said she was sorry she wasn't going to be here. She said she knew it was going to be rough for me. Maybe this is just wishful fantasy thinking but she did say she knew it would be rough for me. I gotta keep my wits about me on this one. As we parted I believe she said, “I will see you for sure the following week. I hope you are Okay next week."

Okay, so this made my weekend. I mean it really made my weekend for sure! Unfortunately it was real boost in my ego. I hope I am not gaining my value for living through her. I guess it will be good that she will be gone for two weeks. Never-the-less it felt good. It felt like there was caring. It felt like, in general, the universe cared. Thank you God.

I did set up an appt with my friend David. David is a great guy. I really like talking to him. The whole Titanic thing came to me while I was talking with him. I live through metaphor and analogy. This is the way I make sense of life lately. Anyway, I believe I have yammered on long enough.

Here is to Elizabeth, right now she is like the next piece of flotsam to hang on to out here in the ocean. Who knows, maybe out of these humble beginnings that flotsam will turn into a ship. It is unlikely and if I try to make it so I will end up in the same boat I am in now. But she is lovely to think about in a romantic relationship type of way. And it is romantic. No sex.

That is all.